January 5, 2011: 5 Years Ago, it was Love at First Sight

http://blackberrykissesphotography.com

I've already told the story of how Ray and I met. Interesting enough, January 5th use to be the day I hated the most. You see, the first dog I ever had, was an English Bulldog named Dallas. She was older when we had gotten her, and you could tell she had already lived a tough life. She never held a grudge though, and when she became part of our family, you never would have known she suffered in the past. I loved that dog more than anything and when the day came that she took her final trip to Heaven, I never thought I could hurt as much as I did. She passed away January 5, 2000. You'll notice when you love someone and they die, the day of their death almost has a black cloud over it. It can be a beautiful day out with not a cloud in the sky, but it's a reminder that it was the day your loved one got taken away from you.

Maybe that's why I find it so remarkable that 6 years later, there would be a Ray of sunshine.

December 30, 2010: Past Years Reflections

A Golden Heart, broken, tied together by horse hair. Not just any horse hair, but my boys tail hair. Little pearl pins hold everything together as if they were pearls of wisdom. I made this shadow box as a representation of what this year has been like. I got my heart broken. Not just once, but twice.

The first time was a work in progress. An on and off dysfunctional relationship that had no business lasting as long as it did. It really ended a long time ago, but this is the year I chose to make it stop. I changed my phone number and basically changed my life. and it hurt... Moving on has a tendency to do that. Especially when you realize, they moved on a long time ago but were just stringing you along.

The second time, I opened my heart a little for the first time in a while. It didn't work out, and it hurt, but you know what I discovered? It didn't kill me. And for that little while, I started to breathe again. It's kind of like when you are riding a horse and get bucked off and it knocks the wind out of you. For those few seconds when you can't breathe you wonder if you ever will again. And slowly, it does. You're gasping, but it does.

The constant through all of this, has been my horses. They are there to celebrate your achievements or hold you up when you don't think you can do it on your own anymore. Every time my heart just about iced over, they were there to melt it. Or tie it back together, at least.

It hasn't all been bad. I learned a lot about myself and what I am capable of. I've learned how to be resourceful and creative. I found my faith and take it more seriously than I ever have. I've learned that money is necessary, but time is precious. Stress and frustration is only going to set you back, but patience is respected.

December 28, 2010: Christmas Memories

Our first Christmas 5 years ago

Christmas is now over and what a wonderful holiday it was this year. I made peace with a few people, one in particular, because of a poem I'd like to share:

This Christmas
Mend a quarrel. Seek out a forgotten friend.
Write a love letter. Share some treasure.
Give a soft answer. Encourage youth.
Keep a promise. Find the time. Forgive an enemy.
Listen. Apologize if you were wrong.
Think first of someone else. Be kind and gentle.
Laugh a little. Laugh a little more.
Express your gratitude. Gladden the heart of a child.
Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the universe.
Speak your love. Speak it again. Speak it still once again.

After reading this, I realized what was important in life. Forgiveness can be one of the best gifts you give to yourself.

I got to spend time with people this Christmas as well. My immediate family on my Mom's side celebrated at my Grandma's house in the afternoon of Christmas Eve, with the pleasure of having my cousin, Travis and his girlfriend, Mel who flew in from Phoenix. We spent a couple of hours enjoying eachother's company and exchanging gifts before moving on to my Uncle Terry's house with the more extended family.

I met up with my Horse Family around 6:00. I snuck into the barn for a few precious Christmas Moments with Ray before I froze and had to run into the house. Ma cooked another wonderful meal that I ate as quickly as possible so I could play with 2 year old Caden. Caden and Connor will be the closest I ever have to nephews, so I try to spoil them the best I can.

We exchanged gifts and watching the kids get excited was enough of a Christmas for me. However, Ma and Pa gave me a bunch of wonderful clothes where I actually look high class. Maybe I can find a man now! :) Connor gave me a necklace for being his God Mommy.

Christmas Eve night, I went to a Lutheran church to watch one of my co-workers play guitar. It was a really nice service.

Christmas Day, Mom and Dad and I rushed over to Grandma's to have brunch and to say goodbye to Travis before he left. My parents and I exchanged gifts that evening in a quiet setting. We all received a lot of gifts, but my favorite was from my Mom. She gave me a Locket where I put 2 pictures of my Sexy Man, Ray.

December 14, 2010: A Red Dress Christmas (4th Annual)

It's that time of year again, and of course, it's freezing! It was 14 degrees out, however the wind wasn't too bad, very uncharacteristic of that side of town.

I've had a few people ask what I have on my Christmas list. The truth of the matter is, I have everything I want. Yeah, I'd like a 6 karat diamond ring and a man to match, but I don't think those things will fit on Santa's sleigh. Every year when I made out my list as a little girl, a horse was on it. My Christmas wish came true 5 years ago when I got Ray. And then again 2 years ago, when Quinn came along.

So Happy Holidays to everyone. I hope you have everything you desire this Christmas.

Love is Patient

It’s about this time 4 years ago that I learned the true meaning of patience. I was 20 and my childhood dream of owning my own horse was becoming a close reality. I did my research on http://www.equine.com/ and http://www.dreamhorse.com/. I had my criteria. I was in love with brown and white paints. I even had one tattooed on the small of my back (also known as the famous tramp stamp…). I was convinced that there was no other horse that could make me happy, except a brown and white paint. Tobiano, I thought, but would settle for an Overo. I also wanted a younger horse, at least 15 hands, that was confident in a walk, trot and especially a canter. Cantering was one thing that even as a kid intimidated me. (Not at all anymore)

I found a few horses that kind of fit my list, but nothing I fell in love with. I decided to expand my search a little more. As much as I wanted a Paint, maybe there would be another breed that would suffice. I found a Morab and fell in love with him. He was everything I thought I wanted. He was a golden color with a flaxen mane. Very flashy. Great Expectations was his name, but they just called him X. I went to meet him and he was everything I wanted. Well, just about everything. Despite what the ad said, it turned out, he wasn’t confident with his canter yet.

So, I came to a crossroads. On the outside, this horse was perfect, he was everything I wanted, however, without a strong canter, I feared we both would be frustrated with each other and we would not be happy. I did something extremely difficult and walked away. I kept beating myself up wondering if I made the right decision and on many occasions, I picked up the phone debating whether I should change my mind.

The search continued. A couple weeks later, I found an Arabian. He was 2 ½ , bay in color, broke out to walk, trot and canter. I was pretty defeated at this point. I had looked at about 15 horses and none of them fit what I was looking for. On top of it, I couldn’t stop thinking of that Morab. The morning I was suppose to go look at this Arabian, I was in the shower and talking myself out of going. It was a far drive, and I knew he wouldn’t be what I was looking for.

“Arabians? Aren’t they Crazy?”

I decided to go at the last minute. I pulled into this large farm, introduced myself to the owner and she brought me out to the pastures. There had to be 50+ horses! She finally stopped at one of the paddocks that had about 6 horses in and I saw this skinny looking black horse that looked pathetic! He had a ratty blanket on, and was just standing in the corner. I made eye contact with his big brown eyes and fell in love! Little did I know, the horse I just made eye contact with would turn into being the love of my life.

The owner grabbed him and walked to me. This horse was not Bay, he was black! We brought him into the barn and groomed him and saddled him up. She rode him first and then I got on. I didn’t adjust the stirrups though and when he started to trot, I fell off. And you know what? It wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t get hurt and Ray just stood there, looking at me like, “are you ok?” I got back on and cantered him and I was free! The thoughts of the other horse disappeared as I realized I found my soul mate.

A Red Dress Christmas (3rd Annual)

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday! Ray, Quinn and I sure did, despite the Christmas Drama that plagues every family in one way or another.

Ray and I started the Tradition of A Red Dress Christmas 3 years ago, when I bought this beautiful, short, red dress. Completely impractical for a Wisconsin Winter, but no one has ever accused me of being practical. My dad took one look at the dress and said "What the Hell you going to do with that?" Anyone who knows my father, knows how... 'excited' he can get and, being an only child, I love to push his buttons. I told him I was going to take my Christmas pictures with Ray in that dress (not really being serious) and he told me I couldn't do that. Well, that was enough for me!

Every year now, I try to find that perfect red dress and no matter how cold it is, I go out with my horse and make a scene! :)

Happy Holidays everyone!