Tuesday, December 28, 2010

December 30, 2010: Past Years Reflections

A Golden Heart, broken, tied together by horse hair. Not just any horse hair, but my boys tail hair. Little pearl pins hold everything together as if they were pearls of wisdom. I made this shadow box as a representation of what this year has been like. I got my heart broken. Not just once, but twice.

The first time was a work in progress. An on and off dysfunctional relationship that had no business lasting as long as it did. It really ended a long time ago, but this is the year I chose to make it stop. I changed my phone number and basically changed my life. and it hurt... Moving on has a tendency to do that. Especially when you realize, they moved on a long time ago but were just stringing you along.

The second time, I opened my heart a little for the first time in a while. It didn't work out, and it hurt, but you know what I discovered? It didn't kill me. And for that little while, I started to breathe again. It's kind of like when you are riding a horse and get bucked off and it knocks the wind out of you. For those few seconds when you can't breathe you wonder if you ever will again. And slowly, it does. You're gasping, but it does.

The constant through all of this, has been my horses. They are there to celebrate your achievements or hold you up when you don't think you can do it on your own anymore. Every time my heart just about iced over, they were there to melt it. Or tie it back together, at least.

It hasn't all been bad. I learned a lot about myself and what I am capable of. I've learned how to be resourceful and creative. I found my faith and take it more seriously than I ever have. I've learned that money is necessary, but time is precious. Stress and frustration is only going to set you back, but patience is respected.

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